Everyone loves to talk about self-care, but what about community care? Can your mental health really be improved and maintained in a one-person endeavor? I don't think so, and in fact, I think that some aspects of self-care culture are more of a hindrance than a help at times.
Self-care is so much more than meditation and exercise and staying hydrated. It's also having hard conversations with yourself and doing things you don't want to do because they are in your best interest. It's taking your medications as instructed, even if you're in a bad headspace and you don't want to. It's addressing the ugly parts of you that grew out of a need to survive the pain that broke you so you don't go on to hurt others. It's breaking generational curses. It's a lot of hard work. And it's not a very well rounded form of care and healing if it's never met with the warmth and safety of community care.
Both are important and both have their place but I personally think there is far too much focus on self-care and not nearly as much emphasis on community care. So, what exactly do I mean by "community care"? To me, it's the building of a safety net and support system to fill in the gaps left by the health care system and your own self-care routine. There's so much talk about taking care of yourself and getting yourself help that it enforces this narrative of being some kind of lone wolf until you're "better," but that's not realistic. The truth is, we need other people. To listen, to validate us, to learn from, and to sit with us in our pain and discomfort so, if nothing else, we know we are not alone.
So why don't we share? Why is it so much more acceptable to talk about our struggles with weight loss than it is to talk about our struggles with mental illnesses? Why is it so much easier to share about hitting a fitness goal or breaking a bad habit than it is to share about mental health breakthroughs, improvements to your self-care routine, or progress in your mental health goals? Why don't we want to talk about those things? It's okay to feel, and it's okay to talk about how you feel. And it should be more than okay to share our struggles, missteps, and eventual successes in mental health recovery. People only seem to want to hear about your mental health after you've sought help, gotten treatment, and are asymptomatic. Who exactly does that help, though? Precious few. More of us need to be open about how we get from a place of crisis and suffering to a place of stability and recovery. That's part of why I started this blog, to share the journey and help other people get to that stable place we're all striving for.
So, if you love someone with mental health issues, it isn't enough for you to tell them to get help; you have to back that up with actions. Offer to go with your friend to the doctor for moral support. Help them make phone calls to find resources. Make a standing coffee date with your friends that you know are struggling so you can all check-in with each other. Ask them what you can do to help support them through this, because it's dangerous to go alone.
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